There is only one rule for being a good talker – learn to listen. – Christopher Morley
The quote said it all that to become an effective communicator and to influence people is to listen. To become a successful communicator you need to listen first and then after came the other principles of communication.
Everyone want to impress other people, in this fast pace of life, you come across a number people but everytime it doesn’t work. “Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.” – Emma Thompson
Once a wise man said to explain the mistakes of people while communicating with other people –
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. – Plato
The above quote indicates the very fundamental difference of people everybody want to talk and impress. But you need to understand that you must become a wise man.
It doesn’t mean that you needed to become a rocket scientist, it just means that you just need to learn to listen first and then talk whenever it is needed or necessary.
Here is a list of Top 10 Must Read Books to build confidence to communicate and Influence People
1. How to Win Friend and Influence People
How to Win Friends and Influence People is a self-help book written by Dale Carnegie, published in 1936. Over 30 million copies have been sold worldwide, making it one of the best-selling books of all time. In 2011, it was number 19 on Time Magazine‘s list of the 100 most influential books.
The core idea is that you can change other people’s behaviour simply by changing your own. It teaches you the principles to better understand people, become a more likable person, improve relationships, win others over, and influence behaviour through leadership
Things This Book Will Do For You
- Get you out of a mental rut, give you new thoughts, new visions, new ambitions.
- Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.
- Increase your popularity.
- Help you to win people to your way of thinking.
- Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.
- Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.
- Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
- Help you to arouse enthusiasm among your associates.
2. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High is a vital book for mastering the art of making conversations. Many ‘crucial’ moments in our life come from having critical conversations (as these create significant shifts in attitude and behaviour). This book focuses on techniques on how to hold such conversations in a positive space when surrounded by highly charged emotions.
The book is divided into several chapters in order to ease you into the process of learning. The book first delves into the concept of a crucial conversation.
Whenever you are encounter with making a crucial conversation, there can be three possible outcomes:
- You could turn around and not talk, thus losing by default,
- You could botch it up quite badly, or
- You could take the opportunity with both hands and ace it.
This book is about the last of those options and helping you reach that stage. Crucial conversations lie all around us – all the time: from performance appraisals at work, up to discussing problems over sexual intimacy.
In this book, authors also speak in great detail about what is safe and what is not safe to say during a crucial conversation. They list the deal makers and other demeanours that will help you stay on top of the situation always. They tell us ways to retain our composure in the face of risk or possible failure and how to work it to one’s advantage. Lastly, they touch upon the really tough cases that might be a cause for worry sometimes and help you learn the techniques that will allow you to emerge victorious.
At a time when how you converse dictates how far you will go, this book is surely going to be your most helpful aid to the art of conversing.
3. Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
Goulston, a psychologist, consultant, author and frequent contributor on TV, has written an insightful and example-laden book that explores many facets of not “just” listening, but of effective communication, in general.
The first make-or-break step in persuading anyone to do anything is getting them to hear you out. Whether the person is a harried colleague, a stressed-out client, or an insecure spouse, things will go from bad to worse if you can’t break through emotional barricades. Getting through is a fine art but a critical one. With the help of this ground-breaking book readers will be able to turn the “impossible” and “unreachable” people in their lives into allies, devoted customers, loyal colleagues, and lifetime friends
In this book, the author has drawn his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and coach, and backed by the latest scientific research, author Mark Goulston shares simple but powerful techniques readers can use to really get through to people―whether they’re coworkers, friends, strangers, or enemies.
Subtitled “Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone,” the author lays out nine core rules for getting through to anyone and then provides twelve quick and easy ways to achieve buy-in and get through.
The tenet of the book is that you get through to people by having them “buy in,” which occurs when they move from “resisting” to “listening” to “considering” what you’re saying. And that the key to gaining “buy in” and then moving people through the rest of the cycle is not what you tell them, but what you get them to tell you – and what happens in their minds in the process.
4. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Difficult Conversations, created from the Harvard Negotiation Project, provides a detailed guide to approaching conversations that deal with situations that might cause emotions to rise and are hard to talk about. Difficult Conversations revolves around sensitive issues, from something as simple as a neighbour’s barking dog, to dealing with a job or marriage crisis.
In such cases, it is helpful to know how to conduct a constructive discussion, without letting emotions and prejudices cloud the issue. This book helps everyone, individual or business organisations, to learn to work out the stress in relationships. This involves talking about difficult and confrontational issues, and learning to agree or disagree, as the case may be, and still get along well with each other. Healthy relationships do not avoid difficult situations. They face them and resolve them, or go beyond them to get more out of the relationship.
Difficult Conversations says while having these conversations, people must make an effort to come out of their own viewpoints, and try to understand the other person’s views. Another important factor is not to challenge or take away a person’s sense of identity, if that is deeply involved in the issue.
The authors ask the readers to go beyond raw feelings in order to have a constructive discussion that makes an effort to resolve the issue. Another important lesson in the book is to learn when to let it go. If an issue threatens to get out of hand and talking about it makes the situation worse, it is time to let go and move on.
5. The Science of Effective Communication: Improve Your Social Skills and Small Talk, Develop Charisma and Learn How to Talk to Anyone
Discover the powerful way to transform your relationships with friends, loved ones, and even co-workers, with proven strategies that you can put to work immediately for improving the way you communicate with anyone in any environment.
From climbing the career ladder to making new friends, making the most of social situations, and even finding that special someone, communication is the powerful tool at your disposal to help you achieve the success you truly deserve.
This is a fascinating, practical guide to making communication your true super power, packed with expert advice and easy-to-follow instructions on how to:
- Retrain your brain to develop powerful listening skills that will help you build better relationships with anyone and gain more value from your conversations.
- Make your voice more attractive to potential romantic partners.
- Mend broken relationships with family members, partners, and even work colleagues.
- Get your views heard by those in authority without being disrespectful.
- Thrive in any job interview and get that dream job. The author shares actionable steps you can use IMMEDIATELY to transform the way you communicate. This compelling, highly effective book will serve as your comprehensive guide to better communication, revealing exclusive tips to help you:
- Overcome ‘Outsider Syndrome,’ make friends, and flourish in any social situation
- Keep conversations flowing with anyone.
- Make long-distance relationships not only work, but positively prosper
- Reap huge rewards from a digital detox Discover the secrets used by the world’s most effective communicators and supercharge your social confidence.
6. Words That Work: It's Not What You Say, It's What People Hear
In Words That Work, Luntz offers a behind-the-scenes look at how the tactical use of words and phrases affects what we buy, who we vote for, and even what we believe in. With chapters like “The Ten Rules of Successful Communication” and “The 21 Words and Phrases for the 21st Century,” he examines how choosing the right words is essential.
Nobody is in a better position to explain than Frank Luntz: He has used his knowledge of words to help more than two dozen Fortune 500 companies grow. Hell tell us why Rupert Murdoch’s six-billion-dollar decision to buy DirectTV was smart because satellite was more cutting edge than “digital cable,” and why pharmaceutical companies transitioned their message from “treatment” to “prevention” and “wellness.”
If you ever wanted to learn how to talk your way out of a traffic ticket or talk your way into a raise, this book’s for you.
7. Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion
Influence is about six principles of persuasion useful for sales, marketing and negotiation. Professor Robert Cialdini says certain triggers can influence human decisions almost automatically. The six principles are: reciprocity, consistency, social proof, liking, authority and scarcity.
The book explains the psychology of why people say “yes” — and how to apply these understandings. Dr. Robert Cialdini is the expert in the field of influence and persuasion. His thirty-five years of rigorous, evidence-based research along with a three-year program of study on what moves people to change behavior has resulted in this highly acclaimed book.
You’ll learn the six universal principles, how to use them to become a skilled persuader — and how to defend yourself against them. Perfect for people in all walks of life, the principles of Influence will move you toward profound personal change and act as a driving force for your success.
8. Surrounded by Idiots: The Four Types of Human Behaviour
You are not alone. After a disastrous meeting with a highly successful entrepreneur, who was genuinely convinced he was ‘surrounded by idiots’, communication expert and bestselling author, Thomas Erikson dedicated himself to understanding how people function and why we often struggle to connect with certain types of people.
Originally published in Swedish in 2014 as Omgiven Av Idioter, Erikson’s Surrounded by Idiots is already an international phenomenon, selling over 1.5 million copies worldwide, of which over 750,000 copies have been sold in Sweden alone. It offers a simple, yet ground-breaking method for assessing the personalities of people we communicate with – in and out of the office – based on four personality types (Red, Blue, Green and Yellow), and provides insights into how we can adjust the way(s) we speak and share information.
Erikson will help you understand yourself better, hone communication and social skills, handle conflict with confidence, improve dynamics with your boss and team, and get the best out of the people you deal with and manage. He also shares simple tricks on body language, improving written communication and advice on when to back away or when to push on, and when to speak up or indeed shut up. Packed with ‘aha!’ and ‘oh no!’ moments, Surrounded by Idiots will help you understand and influence those around you, even people you currently think are beyond all comprehension.
9. The Art of Dealing with People
The Art Of Dealing With People is a complete Source-book for those who wish to develop people-skills. The author lays down tested methods of getting along with people. In simple, easy to read language, Les Giblin shows you How to:
- Achieve your Goals.
- Handle the human ego.
- Create a good impression.
- Communicate effectively.
- Develop an attractive personality.
- Convince others to see your point of view.
LES GIBLIN was one of the pioneers of the personal development industry. His timeless message of making Skills with People the essential ability in your life, has transcended generations and taken new meaning in today’s world of impersonal communication. His books have sold millions of copies worldwide.
10. Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst
Some people can make life stressful and unpleasant. Others can keep you from achieving important goals. The good news is that you don’t have to let them do either! It’s fully within your power to bring out the best behavior in people who are at their worst!
The book, Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst, by Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner has been helping good people deal with bad behavior in a positive, professional way.
In this book, the authors teach you how to identify the 10 most unwanted behaviors and how to deal with them.
They also teach you how difficult people think, what they fear, and why they act the way they do.
To become an excellent communicator, a person who can influence anybody whenever he/she wants wherever he/she want takes time and efforts, so be ready to work hard and become what you always wanted to be.
These books have fullfilled the desires of thousands of people, have transformed their life to the fullest. In the above listed books, every writer have shared their life changing formulas to become successful!
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” – Peter Drucker
Best of Luck for a life changing experience while reading these books…..